We have teamed up with renowned sexologist Chantelle Otten to bring you a special guest blog series. This month she is answering all the hot and heavy questions our Evies submitted! 

 

Q: Can stress really affect fertility? After nearly 2 years TTC and I keep getting told just to RELAX…

A: Trying to conceive (TTC) can be an emotional rollercoaster, and while stress and fertility are closely linked, the idea that simply “relaxing” will solve everything is an oversimplification that often adds to the frustration. Chronic stress can impact reproductive hormones, disrupt ovulation, and even affect sperm quality. The body’s stress response prioritises survival over reproduction, which can make conception more challenging over time.

However, stress isn’t the sole factor in fertility, and placing the burden of “just relaxing” on yourself isn’t helpful. Instead, focus on what you can control - nourishing your body, prioritising rest, and finding ways to support emotional wellbeing, whether that’s through movement, therapy, or mindfulness. If you're struggling, working with a fertility specialist can help explore potential medical factors and give you a clearer path forward. You deserve compassionate, evidence-based support - not dismissive advice.

Q: How can you make TTC fun? It is so difficult when it feels so planned!

A: Trying to conceive (TTC) can easily shift from something exciting to something that feels like a chore, especially when it becomes all about tracking, timing, and planning. The key to keeping it fun is bringing back pleasure and intimacy without making every moment feel like a means to an end.

Focus on connection first - schedule date nights that have nothing to do with fertility, explore new ways to be intimate outside of penetrative sex, and lean into touch, playfulness, and shared experiences. Try mixing up locations, adding sensual elements like massage or mutual exploration, or even incorporating toys and lube to enhance pleasure.

Most importantly, give yourself permission to enjoy intimacy without pressure. TTC is a journey, and keeping the spark alive will not only support your relationship but also your overall wellbeing.

Q: Why did my libido suddenly become non-existent when I’m in a healthy long-term relationship? 

A: A sudden drop in libido, even in a loving and healthy long-term relationship, is common. To be honest it happens to most people! Desire is complex and influenced by physical, emotional, and psychological factors. Stress, hormonal changes, medication, mental health, or even feeling too comfortable in routine can all play a role. Plus! Desire takes work, which often gets lost in the daily grind.

Instead of seeing it as a problem, view it as a signal. Ask yourself: Have there been changes in my body or lifestyle? Am I feeling emotionally connected to myself and my partner? Exploring new ways to foster intimacy - whether through physical touch, new experiences, or open conversations - can help reignite desire. A shift in libido doesn’t mean something is wrong; it’s an opportunity to tune in and understand what your body and mind need right now.

Q: Tips to get back in touch with my Fem energy? Sex has become painful and I feel I have lost touch with intimacy and don’t know what to do. 

A: If sex has become painful, it’s understandable that intimacy feels out of reach. Pain creates a disconnect between body and desire, so the first step is addressing the discomfort. Painful sex is not normal, and you don’t have to just put up with it - seeking support from a pelvic health physiotherapist, sexologist, or doctor can help uncover the root cause and provide solutions. If you don’t get the answers you need please seek a second opinion or book in with me! It’s my specialty. Exploring lubricants, relaxation techniques, or different forms of intimacy that don’t involve penetration can also be a way to ease back into pleasure without pressure.

Beyond that, reconnecting with your feminine energy is about embracing pleasure in all areas of life. Engage in movement that feels good - whether that’s dancing, yoga, or simply stretching. Indulge in self-care that makes you feel nurtured, like a warm bath, body oil, or wearing fabrics that make you feel sensual and confident. Taking small steps to bring pleasure and embodiment back into your daily routine can help rebuild your connection to intimacy on your own terms.

Q: How many times a week/month is normal or healthy to have sex/get off? Are there health benefits to regular intimacy? 

A: There’s no magic number when it comes to how often you should be having sex or masturbating - it’s about what feels right for you. Some people thrive on daily intimacy, while others feel satisfied with much less. Rather than focusing on “normal,” think about what feels good and sustainable in your life and relationships.

That said, regular intimacy - whether solo or partnered—does have benefits. Orgasms release endorphins and oxytocin, which help reduce stress, improve sleep, and even boost mood. Sexual activity can also support circulation, pelvic floor health, and overall wellbeing. But it’s important to remember that quality matters more than quantity. Whether it’s once a week or once a month, intimacy should be enjoyable, not an obligation. If your libido has changed and you're concerned, checking in with a doctor, sexologist, or therapist can help explore any underlying factors.