We have teamed up with renowned sexologist Chantelle Otten to bring you a special guest blog series. Once a month, we’ll catch up with Chantelle to get insights on some of the juicy tidbits sex-ed may have missed!

When it comes to sexual wellness, there’s no shortage of myths and misconceptions, and these can really hold us back from feeling confident, connected, and satisfied in our intimate lives. Let’s break them down and uncover the truth behind some of the most common myths.

Myth: "All vulva owners should orgasm from penetration alone."

The reality? Most vulva owners find that clitoral stimulation is key to reaching orgasm. The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings—more than any other part of the human body—and is primarily responsible for sexual pleasure. Yet, mainstream narratives often focus on penetration as the “main event.” This creates unrealistic expectations and leaves many feeling like something is “wrong” if penetration alone doesn’t lead to orgasm.

Knowing this can take the pressure off and open up opportunities to explore other forms of pleasure, such as external stimulation or incorporating mindfulness practices into intimacy. Remember, there’s no single “right” way to experience pleasure—what matters is discovering what feels good for you.

Myth: "Low libido is just something femmes have to live with."

Desire is dynamic—it’s influenced by everything from hormonal shifts to mental health, stress levels, and even diet. Many femmes feel pressure to match their partner’s desire levels, but libido is deeply personal and can change depending on life circumstances. For example, hormonal changes during menstruation, pregnancy, or menopause can all impact desire.

If you’re experiencing fluctuations in libido, it can be helpful to explore your overall wellbeing. Look at factors like stress levels, lifestyle habits, or underlying health conditions. Working with a healthcare professional or therapist can also provide tailored advice to reignite your spark naturally.

Myth: "Lube is only for people with problems."

Let’s break this one down. Lube is for everyone! It can enhance pleasure, reduce discomfort, and make intimacy more enjoyable for all. Whether you’re exploring solo play or partnered intimacy, lube can be a versatile tool that reduces friction and amplifies sensation.

Using lube doesn’t mean there’s a “problem”—it’s simply about creating the best possible experience. Think of it as a way to bring more comfort and pleasure into your intimate life, no matter your age or situation.

Myth: "If I feel less desire, I must not be attracted to my partner anymore."

This myth often causes unnecessary anxiety. It’s important to understand that desire isn’t just about attraction—it’s influenced by external factors like stress, fatigue, and even how familiar a relationship feels. Long-term relationships often require intentional effort to nurture desire, especially when life’s demands take priority over intimacy.

Instead of worrying that a drop in desire signals a lack of attraction, see it as an opportunity to reconnect. Try setting aside time for intentional intimacy or exploring new ways to spark connection, like planning a special date night or engaging in shared activities that bring you closer together. Desire often needs nurturing, just like any other part of a relationship.

Myth: "Pain during sex is just part of the deal."

Pain during intimacy is never “normal” or something to tolerate. It’s your body’s way of signaling that something needs attention, whether it’s physical (like tension or hormonal changes) or emotional (such as stress or trauma). Persistent discomfort can often be improved with the right tools and professional guidance.

If pain persists, it’s important to speak with a healthcare professional or sex therapist to uncover the root cause. From tension to hormonal dryness to underlying health issues, solutions are available—and you deserve to enjoy intimacy without discomfort.

Myth: "Only penis owners are visually stimulated."

This myth stems from outdated stereotypes about how different genders experience arousal. The truth is, visual stimulation is a powerful factor for many vulva owners and femmes too—it just might look different depending on the individual.

Studies show that femmes often respond to visual stimuli, but the context matters more. For example, an intimate movie scene that evokes connection and romance can be just as arousing as explicit visuals. Everyone experiences arousal differently, and there’s no single “right” way to respond.

Wrapping It Up

Understanding and addressing these myths is key to empowering your sexual wellness journey. By challenging outdated ideas, you make space for more pleasure, connection, and self-acceptance in your life. Sexual wellness isn’t one-size-fits-all—it’s about discovering what feels best for you and embracing that fully.

When we let go of outdated myths and embrace a fuller, more authentic view of sexuality, we open ourselves to greater intimacy and satisfaction in all areas of our lives.

XO- Chantelle Otten